HEY, do you know that now I wake up at SIX FUCKING AYEM EVERY GODDAMN WEEKDAY because of the GIANT CONSTRUCTION PROJECT right across the street? I sure do!
Every morning:
JACKHAMMER: OMG HI HI HI I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU ALL //earsplitting, skull-shattering noise
MOI: //wakes up coffee
T: //wakes up Okay
MOI: COFFEE
COFFEEMAKER: //finishes making coffee on time, because my husband is a fucking genius
T: Here you go, coffee
MOI: //drinks it while remaining as horizontal as possible
T: Does that taste at all different to you from yesterday?
MOI: whut
T: Does it taste better than the other coffee? This is a different brand.
MOI: It tastes adequately caffeinated, bro. That is what I care about.
T: //disappointed Oh.
MOI: //tries to glare but can't focus eyes properly Tell you what, after I ACTUALLY WAKE THE FUCK UP I'll tell you whether or not I can taste the fucking noble rot in the coffee beans
JACKHAMMER: WHEEEEEE I AM SO HAPPY TO GO TO WORK TODAY
descensus Averno facilis est