retro

Read back through the archives of my own blog here (always a good exercise, if you can stand it) and some observations came to mind -

- the Tumblr-ization of this blog (tiny short quotes, lots of pictures, absolutely no context whatsoever) is still pretty fucking painful
- some of the UTU vids and linked photos are already beginning to disappear. (We don't need no more stinking archives, we have the internet, where everything is FOREVER!)
- my God, I used to write a helluva lot more than this, what happened? expectations of an audience? no audience? the wrong audience?
- and Jesus Harriet Christ, was my writing always this Lindy-West-lulzy? Has internet-speak just burrowed deep inside the furrows of my brain like a goddamn virtual worm and eaten the core right out of my language center?
- I really fucking need to stop rereading Terry Pratchett every other week
- I don't think a single doctor has ever taken me seriously about how my period makes me bedridden. Must fix this, now that Obamacare is here. Oh wait, it isn't? Is it? It's Schrödingercare (sp) by now.
- also really fucking need to find my Medicaid card
- and get my life in order
- like ten years ago
- that's never productive, stop that

(Shirley Jackson's haunting words, written in her journal near the end of her life: When I was twenty every year that went by was a triumph because it was getting me on toward growing up and really living, and now....if I pass my fiftieth year the chances of my dying of measles are very small, but the chances of my dying of....no, this is depressing. This is the kind of thinking I promised myself I would never do again.)

Autumn is my favourite season but the end of the year is so damned depressing, all that time piled up on your back and so little to actually show for it, all those promises you so brightly made at the beginning of last year, which time has almost circled back around to again, and the only thing that will happen is you'll make yourself a new pack of false resolutions you won't keep any more than you did the old ones. What a terrible idea, to have the new year begin in January, not with -- say -- the first snowfall, or even better, the very beginning of spring.

-- And THAT, folks, is why I take three (3) psychotropic medications in order to get out of bed in the morning, despite the Goodreader who shrieked at me my last day on that site, "MEDS: GET ON SOME. THEY CAN DO WONDERS, EVEN FOR YOU." Ah, virtual community. Well I lie, I woke up about an hour and a half ago (after crashing out at 9 PM, what am I, ninety?.....if not close, daily getting closer!), so I should take them right the hell now. J'excuse.