Thursday, December 19, 2013

I, Anonymous: SPEAKS FOR ME

To all you studded-tire folks: If you only knew how much damage your precious studs cost us taxpayers, you probably would think twice about buying them. They don't help 99 percent of the time. The state patrol does not recommend them because they actually increase the stopping distance on wet pavement, which is 99 percent of the time in Seattle during the winter months. It's a waste of money, it's hard on the pavement, and, worst of all, I hate the sound of your stupid four-wheel-drive SUV grinding its way through a parking lot with four studded tires on bare pavement when the only snow or ice is 50 miles away on Snoqualmie Pass. You are a paranoid bunch of suburban dwellers who have never been east of the mountains where studded tires are for pussies. And if you can't drive in some inclement weather, then leave your four-wheel-drive SUV in the heated parking garage and take the bus.

The other day walking to QFC I saw a woman on Broadway driving A HUMMER. AN H2 IN A FUCKING URBAN ENVIRONMENT. I wanted to slap her. Oh, suburbanites. Can't you stay off in the woods and leave my city alone?

(As someone else pointed out: people who drive with studded tires ((and have H2s! -- I am still fuming)) won't give a fuck about public roads. Which they use. Tax the fucking studded tires so the price is commensurate with the cost to the city, and their use would drop right quick. But that will never, ever, ever happen.)