'What your favorite punctuation mark says about you'
#: You’re on Twitter a lot, often starting sentences with “HASHTAG:
DULL” or “HASHTAG: AWKWARD!” Or you’ve mistaken the keyboard for an
old-timey touch telephone.
.: Ah, the period. Formerly, the mark of a complete thought. No
longer, since no one has had a complete thought since 1998 sometime,
since they had to stop in the middle to check their e-mail and make
certain nothing more interesting was happening on Twitter. Now, the
period is reduced to being used in e-mails to indicate that you are
irrationally angry or disappointed about something. Contrast “Yes, Dave,
I got the file!” with “Yes, Dave, I got the file.” Is something good
about to happen to Dave after that second sentence? I should say not.
Oxford Comma: You are a person who insists on telling other people
how good your grammar is and how much you care about it. You get a lot
of support on the Internet, but in person, you’re insufferable. Like
most people who get a lot of support on the Internet.
*I blame Salinger. I'm either parentheses or the asterisk-to-footnote.
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