Wednesday, December 4, 2013

......yeah, I'm totally a ((( ))) girl*

'What your favorite punctuation mark says about you'

#: You’re on Twitter a lot, often starting sentences with “HASHTAG: DULL” or “HASHTAG: AWKWARD!” Or you’ve mistaken the keyboard for an old-timey touch telephone.

.: Ah, the period. Formerly, the mark of a complete thought. No longer, since no one has had a complete thought since 1998 sometime, since they had to stop in the middle to check their e-mail and make certain nothing more interesting was happening on Twitter. Now, the period is reduced to being used in e-mails to indicate that you are irrationally angry or disappointed about something. Contrast “Yes, Dave, I got the file!” with “Yes, Dave, I got the file.” Is something good about to happen to Dave after that second sentence? I should say not.

Oxford Comma: You are a person who insists on telling other people how good your grammar is and how much you care about it. You get a lot of support on the Internet, but in person, you’re insufferable. Like most people who get a lot of support on the Internet.

*I blame Salinger. I'm either parentheses or the asterisk-to-footnote.